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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28335528">Screaming Whispers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamonnaie/pseuds/lamonnaie'>lamonnaie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(Surprisingly a lot of them), Amnesia AU, Angst, Crying, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Phone Calls, Sad Corpsekkuno, That isn't really established anymore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:49:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28335528</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamonnaie/pseuds/lamonnaie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"Corpse had sat up in the moments between, hand instinctively reaching out to hold Sykkuno’s. At the move, Sykkuno flinched back. Corpse quickly withdrew his hand. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Something was going on." </em>
</p><p>Sykkuno wakes up and can't remember anything from the past two years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>570</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me, writing angst? You must have gotten the wrong person xD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I-I don’t remember,” Sykkuno finally whispered. And that was it, wasn’t it? After all that time, weeks and months and years spent together learning each and every thing about the other, all of it was gone in the blink of an eye.</p><p>“Sy…” Corpse managed to get out. He’d be lying if he said that he’d seen it coming. Sure, there had been an undercurrent of <em>something</em> there, Sykkuno forgetting to stream one day before Corpse gently reminded him, or him zoning out in a conversation he would have otherwise been completely invested in, but those moments were nothing compared to what was happening now.</p><p>The night before had been like any other. They’d eaten a late dinner together after Sykkuno’s stream, then resorted to the living room, huddled together in front of the TV but neither of them really paying attention to what was going on. They were more interested in each other, the years of being together doing nothing to wear away the pure adoration they still felt. The stage of euphoria they’d both had when they had first met, when they’d verbally tiptoed around eachother like middle school crushes, had passed, but the persistent devotion to the other was still there beneath everything.</p><p>And hey, the last two years of their lives couldn’t be compared to anything else. Corpse had done wonders for Sykkuno’s self-confidence, building him up and not letting anyone else shatter their progress. <em>“Character development,” </em>Rae had called it, somewhat reluctantly passing on her self-proclaimed duties to Corpse. She knew that she’d made the right decision once she realised just how much the other man was doing for Sykkuno.</p><p>Rae, like everyone else, knew that it wasn’t a one-way road - Sykkuno did just as much for Corpse. On the bad days he’d hold him close, and that would often be enough to wash serenity over Corpse. Whereas silence held a suffocating chokehold over him at any other time, a gaping vacuum that left him at the mercy of his demons, it was so, <em>so</em> different when Sykkuno was there. He kept the worst of it at bay, the silence morphing into something akin to a comforting hug, blanketing him and giving him the space to just <em>think.</em></p><p>It was clear as day to anyone else that they just got each other, understood their individual tics and preferences and needs. The way they had seamlessly melded their lives into one in a matter of months was proof enough for most just how good they were for one another.</p><p>Yet the confidence Corpse had had in the two of them had been all but shattered in the past hour.</p><p>That morning they’d been asleep as usual, Sykkuno cuddled around Corpse and their legs intertwined like an intricate patchwork. Yet at an ungodly time in the morning, hours before they’d usually rise, Sykkuno had startled awake, sitting up quickly as he shoved Corpse away in an uncharacteristic display.</p><p>Corpse had never been a deep sleeper, but the heavy breathes reverberating around the room and the sudden absence of a certain warm mass next to him would have been more than enough to draw him out of even the deepest of trances.</p><p>“Sy, what’s up?” Corpse let out, voice raspier than usual from disuse.</p><p>“I…” Sykkuno began before trailing off. His eyes were wide open, quickly flitting across the room as if he couldn’t decide what to focus on. After a moment, his gaze landed back on the man in front of him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Corpse?”</p><p>“Yeah, baby?”</p><p>Corpse had sat up in the moments between, hand instinctively reaching out to hold Sykkuno’s. At the move, Sykkuno flinched back. Corpse quickly withdrew his hand.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. </em>
</p><p>Something was going on.</p><p>Sykkuno let out a breath and decided to try again, “You’re Corpse, right? Where am I?”</p><p>“Y-You’re at home?” Corpse faltered.</p><p>“Corpse, you know I like you, but this is a bit much,” Sykkuno said, sitting straight up as if every muscle in his body was tensed. His eyes were still frantically moving around the room, as if searching for something that he couldn’t find for the life of him.</p><p>“Wait, you <em>are</em> Corpse, right?” he added as an afterthought.</p><p>“I- yes?” Corpse spluttered out. He had no idea what to do. It was one thing for Sykkuno to startle awake or to even push him away - nightmares were something they’d both had extensive experience with - but this? This was something else entirely.</p><p>“I’m Corpse, your boyfriend. You’re at home, in our house. We live together?” Corpse couldn’t stop the questioning tone from creeping in near the end of his sentence.</p><p>A flush creeped up Sykkuno’s neck, but he persisted, deciding to ignore the first part of Corpse’s words. “N-No, we don’t. Where’s Toast and Lily and Scarra?”</p><p>“What do you mean? You moved out of the OTV house two years ago,” Corpse could never in a million years be mad at Sykkuno, but in that moment, he couldn’t help but be frustrated. They’d been together for over two years now, and he’d never in that time seen Sykkuno like this. Yet the feeling of utter dread very soon overcame any frustration he felt.</p><p>“Corpse, what? We’ve never even met. Well, I guess we have now, but that’s not the point,” Sykkuno looked like a deer caught in headlights. “And what do you mean I moved out of OTV? That’s not possible.”</p><p>“Sykkuno,” Corpse sighed, “what’s the date?”</p><p>“1<sup>st</sup> November?”</p><p>“And what year is it?”</p><p>“2020?”</p><p>“<em>Sykkuno.”</em></p><p> Anyone else and he’d have thought it was some sort of cruel prank they were playing, but Corpse knew that Sykkuno would never mess with his feelings like that. Even more than the words, it was the unfamiliarity clear in the other man’s eyes that frightened Corpse to his core.</p><p>“I-I think I’d like to go home,” Sykkuno mumbled out. “It was nice meeting you Corpse, I hope we can see each other again under better circumstances next time.”</p><p>He grabbed his shirt that lay discarded on the floor from the previous night, quickly pulling it on before reaching to get out of bed.</p><p>Corpse watched it all play out in slow motion, the man he’d come to love more than anything else in the world about to just walk out of his life. Yet all he could do was sit and stare, void of any emotion.</p><p> Sykkuno reached the door, hesitating for a moment before slowly pulling at the handle. The door closed behind him with a soft thud.</p><p>For the umpteenth time that morning, Corpse was inexplicably lost. The most important person he’d ever met was just up and leaving? It didn’t make any sense, but at the same time it did. He didn’t remember anything.</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t remember anything. </em>
</p><p>Absolutely nothing of the past two years – not the hugs, the kisses, the crying, the hundreds and thousands of things they’d learnt and unlearnt about each other. It was all gone. Corpse wanted to cry; he wanted to scream and shout and yell at the universe for so cruelly taking away the one good thing it had given him. Fuck the stupid cards he’d been dealt by whatever gods were up there.</p><p>Despite the emotions twisting and turning within him in all their despairing glory, Corpse found himself unable to show it. Instead he was rooted to his spot, fists gripping onto the bedsheets like a lifeline, trying to hold on to the measly remnants of Sykkuno’s presence. He was contemplating whether to genuinely spend the rest of the day in bed when a resounding thud reached his ears, seemingly from the living room.</p><p>Corpse jumped at the sound. Surely Sykkuno should have left by now? He slowly creeped to the bedroom door, pulling it open almost silently before heading out into the hallway. Once he reached the living room, he was surprised to be met with a familiar face.</p><p>“Sykkuno?”</p><p>“C-Corpse?” Sykkuno’s voice trembled, tears evident in his eyes.</p><p>It took everything within Corpse to not reach over and comfort him, but he knew that his initial instincts just weren’t appropriate anymore. Instead, he compromised and took a step forward, still leaving ample space between the two of them.</p><p>In Sykkuno’s hands, Corpse spotted a picture frame, one that had previously adorned their mantle. It was of the two of them last Christmas, posed in front of the their haphazardly decorated tree. Sykkuno stood giggling at the camera, undoubtedly at something Corpse had said, with his mouth uncovered for once. He radiated pure joy even through a picture, and in spite of the situation, Corpse couldn’t help but smile a little as well. In the photo, Corpse stood by Sykkuno’s side, a content grin gracing his face as he looked at the other man.</p><p>They were so, <em>so</em> happy.</p><p>Corpse’s gaze lingered on the photo for a moment longer before he snapped himself out of the fantasy, instead choosing to focus on the much more dismal scene playing out in front of him.</p><p>“That’s really us, huh?” Sykkuno sniffled out, while still clutching the picture in a vice-like grip.</p><p>And if there was anything that could break Corpse, it was this. Sykkuno sitting there, biting his lip in a tell-tale sign that he was trying to hold back sobs. The remnants of their love splayed out in front of him through all the little things – the boxes of cereal on the kitchen counter, the corny anniversary mug Corpse had gotten Sykkuno sitting on the coffee table, and of course that goddamn picture.</p><p>Corpse turned his head a little to the side, not wanting to face Sykkuno like this. They’d long passed the point where tears were an issue in front of one another, but after everything that morning, Corpse had no idea what he was comfortable with anymore.</p><p>“I…” Corpse trailed off on his already delayed response. “Yeah, yeah it is Sy.”</p><p>Corpse caught the hitch in Sykkuno’s breath even before it happened. It hurt him even more now that he couldn’t do anything about it.</p><p>Sykkuno broke out in a sob, his breath coming out in staggered gasps. He hunched in on himself, shoulders shaking back and forth at the sheer force. Both his hands went up to his face in a futile attempt to stifle his whimpers, but it was no use. Corpse was so attuned to even the most minute emotions from Sykkuno that there was no way he’d miss something as big as this.</p><p>Sykkuno’s outburst was just enough to trigger Corpse’s own. He grabbed onto his own sweatshirt, crumpling it between his fingers as the tears finally flowed freely down Corpse’s face.</p><p>He couldn’t stand this anymore.</p><p>“Sykkuno,” he began timidly, “can I hug you?”</p><p>Sykkuno looked up, teary eyes meeting a similarly glazed over pair.</p><p>“Yeah,” he whispered with a small nod.</p><p>That was all the confirmation Corpse needed before he walked forwards, gently reaching over and engulfing Sykkuno in a hug. His arms wrapped around the other and gripped on tight, trying to make all the worries of the morning disappear from both their minds.</p><p>For a moment, Corpse’s worst fears came true – Sykkuno tensed at his first contact. In a moment of panic, Corpse too made to move away. Yet just as he was about to retreat, Sykkuno relaxed and gave in to the touch. The older man wrapped his arms around Corpse’s torso equally as tightly, resting his face in the crook of his neck. They melted into each other’s touch, the tension that had laced the room only moments earlier all but dissipating. Corpse let out a sigh, inhaling Sykkuno’s scent in the process. It felt like coming home.</p><p>It was in that moment that Corpse knew that no matter what, they’d be okay.</p><p>Sykkuno was the first to move away, finally ready to face what loomed ahead of them. He still kept a firm grip on Corpse’s hands, the two of them sitting face to face as Sykkuno began.</p><p>“So, just to be sure, we’re together right?” he inquired.</p><p>A fond smile crossed Corpse’s face. “Yeah, yeah we are.”</p><p>“Okay, uh, I don’t really remember any of that?”</p><p>Had Sykkuno said those words even a few moments earlier, Corpse would have absolutely been spiralling again, but now he knew better.</p><p>“Exactly how much do you remember, Sy?”</p><p>Sykkuno’s gaze shifted to the side as he attempted to recall as much as he could about the two of them.</p><p>“Well I obviously know who you are, and we’ve played together a bunch of times. I did the Halloween stream yesterday, and you were there too,” Sykkuno seemed content with his response until realisation struck. “Or I guess I did the Halloween stream two years ago.”</p><p>“Okay,” Corpse responded, taking a moment to think for himself. They’d met in person for the first time only a week or two after that day, and they’d officially started dating exactly three weeks after. Yet to Sykkuno, none of that had happened yet.</p><p>As Corpse pondered upon where exactly they stood, Sykkuno seemed to also be following a similar thought process.</p><p>“As far as I know, we’re not even dating, and we’re definitely not living together,” he began.</p><p>Corpse’s head whipped up at his statement. He was snapped out of his thoughts as doubt began creeping back into his mind. The other man noticed Corpse’s reaction and hastily continued.</p><p>“But I definitely have feelings for you. I don’t how much you know, but I was pretty much already half-way in love the first time we even talked.” Sykkuno blushed at the mention of the l-word. As far as he was aware, he’d never said it out loud to Corpse.</p><p>Corpse just grinned in return. Yeah, they’d talked about it on a sleepless night huddled in bed, spilling all their deepest darkest secrets. The two were smitten long before either realised, and Corpse could clearly recall just how deeply he’d fallen for Sykkuno right from the start.</p><p>If Sykkuno still harboured the same feelings, Corpse thought, then yeah, they could make this work.</p><p>“I still love you Sy, obviously,” Corpse began, not shying away from mentioning it, “and I get if you want to take things slow, but I’m down to give us another try, if you’d like?”</p><p>“I-I, uh..” Sykkuno spluttered for a moment, a crimson tint clearly becoming visible upon his cheeks. “Are you asking me out, Corpse?”</p><p>Corpse couldn’t help but giggle at the other man. It really was the same awkward and slightly anxious Sykkuno he was in love with.</p><p>“Yes Sykkuno, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Will you be my boyfriend?” Corpse asked, enunciating each and every word.</p><p>Sykkuno let out a giggle of his own, hand coming up to cover his smile before he thought twice and let it drop.</p><p>“I would love that,” he replied.</p><p>Tentatively, he reached for Corpse’s hand in his first ever show of physical affection, or at least the first that he could remember. Corpse caught the motion and reached out himself.</p><p>The couple sat side-by-side on the sofa, grinning like maniacs as they held hands.</p><p>There’d be one heck of a learning curve for Sykkuno, they both knew that very well, and it would be far from easy. There’ll be good days, and bad days, and days when neither will be bothered to do anything.</p><p>But sitting there, just the two of them, they knew one thing for sure: <em>they could do it.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading :D<br/>This ship has motivated me to write more fic than I have in years and I'm down with it.<br/>My <a href="http://lamonnaie.tumblr.com">tumblr</a>  :)</p><p>Edit: So I've decided to continue this fic bc I've been having ✨thoughts✨, so stay tuned for that :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a disclaimer, there's some limited medical talk, hospitals and mention of a medical emergency, so please be aware if you aren't comfortable with those things!!<br/>Also, I did minimal research so this may or may not be incredibly medically inaccurate xD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You <em>can</em> drive, right?” Sykkuno asked, eyebrow raising in scepticism.</p><p>“Yeah,” Corpse replied with a chuckle.</p><p>Between the two of them, Sykkuno would usually be the one in the driver’s seat, partly due to Corpse’s flare ups that would come and go with no warning, and partly because he was simply the better driver. Nevertheless, there was no way Corpse would let the older man drive given his current state.</p><p>The pair quickly got into the car, both wanting to figure out what was going on as soon as possible. Despite the reassurance that in spite of everything that had happened, they still had each other, there was a much more pressing issue at hand: Sykkuno’s health.</p><p>They made their way down the road, Corpse driving just that bit more cautiously than he usually would. He didn’t want any more unpleasant surprises today.</p><p>The early morning had done little to tame the bustling streets of LA – they crossed hundreds and thousands of people going about their day like normal. Of course for them, it <em>was</em> a normal day.</p><p>Sykkuno reached over the console, fiddling with the radio dial for a moment before finally turning it on. Corpse caught the movement in the corner of his eye, mentally cataloguing it as yet another thing Sykkuno had no recollection of.</p><p>A soft melody filled the vehicle, adding a little bit of normalcy to the ride. Sykkuno occasionally attempted to hum along to the unknown tune. Nevertheless, they let the song carry its own conversation for the majority of the ride, as the two men remained deep in their own thoughts.</p><p>After what seemed like an infinity had passed over, they finally pulled into the hospital parking lot, Corpse haphazardly jamming the car into the first free spot he saw. <em>Click. Click.</em> They both unbuckled their belts and Corpse had even reached for the door handle, before Sykkuno interrupted his actions.</p><p>“Wait, Corpse!”</p><p>“Yeah?” The younger man turned around, giving Sykkuno his full attention. Had something bad happened on the ride over?</p><p>“Uh, well I remember you saying that you don’t like crowds, or just going outside in general?” Sykkuno said, a questioning tone involuntarily creeping into his words. “You can just wait in the car. I’ll be fine going in by myself.”</p><p>And <em>oh</em>, of course Sykkuno would have the best interest of others in mind, even when he was the one that needed the attention. Corpse couldn’t help but swoon a bit at the fact that Sykkuno could still recall his crippling social anxiety, and that he was willing to go through what would undoubtedly be a difficult experience all by himself, simply for Corpse.</p><p>“Sykkuno, thank you, really, but I’m definitely going in with you,” Corpse began. He reached over to grasp Sykkuno’s hand, it being a natural instinct whenever he’d be trying to reassure the other man, before remembering that they hadn’t really discussed these boundaries yet. His hand hovered in the air for a second before he resorted to laying it on Sykkuno’s shoulder, giving an awkward pat.</p><p><em>Oh god</em>, Corpse cringed internally. He took in a deep breath.</p><p> “I’ve been going to therapy, and you’ve really helped me a lot the past few years with my anxiety though. I’m good to go in,” he finished with a smile.</p><p>Sykkuno let out a small sigh, of relief Corpse assumed, given that he knew very well that Sykkuno was just as bad in these situations as himself. Sykkuno returned a smile before both of them got out of the car.</p><p>--------------------------------------</p><p>“Sykkuno?”</p><p>Sykkuno perked up at his name. The time spent in the waiting room had consisted mostly of him mulling over what had happened, going from one scenario to the next. Perhaps he’d been transported to some parallel universe? Or abducted by aliens that wiped his memory? Or maybe he had developed some life-threatening illness? Sykkuno shuddered at the morbid thought. He’d chosen to stick to the fantastical, albeit unrealistic, scenarios in his mind, simply because he’d rather not dwell on the more serious issues.</p><p>The scene around him did little to ease his worries. A plethora of patients were seated around him; some with simple colds, others looking much worse for wear, and some who looked fine at first glance. Sykkuno himself fit into the latter category, so he knew that there was much more to each of them than what initially met the eye.</p><p>Amidst it all, Corpse sitting beside him provided the one bit of comfort. The younger man sat stiffly in the chair, eyes glued to the sterile white tiles on the hospital floor. Sykkuno understood the far away look in his eyes, and he wished he knew how to fix it, like how Corpse just <em>knew</em> how to calm his nerves and help him in any situation.</p><p>Honestly, Sykkuno couldn’t believe that all of this was happening. The whole memory loss situation came as an obvious shock, but he also couldn’t get over the fact that <em>he</em> was <em>dating</em> <em>Corpse.</em> The whole concept left him baffled. How on Earth did he manage to do that? It’s not that he didn’t have faith in his own flirting skills (although he definitely did not), but Sykkuno was more curious than anything to know every single detail of how it happened. Who made the first move? When did they move in together? How did their friends react? But as with everything, there was a time and a place for his questions, and the hospital at 9am was definitely neither of those. So by the time he heard his name being called, he’d redirected the bulk of his thoughts back to his health.</p><p>In that moment, he was glad to hopefully be getting some closure on what the heck was going on.</p><p> At the sound of his name, both he and Corpse quickly rose up, matching the nurse’s brisk pace as he led them to the doctor’s chamber.  </p><p>“Good morning Sykkuno and…” the doctor turned towards the younger man.</p><p>“Corpse,” he filled in.</p><p>“and Corpse. I’m Doctor Murphy,” the doctor greeted with a curt smile. “So Sykkuno, you’ve been having some memory problems?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah. I woke up this morning and I couldn’t remember anything from around the last two years,” Sykkuno answered.</p><p>A frown morphed onto Dr Murphy’s face, placing both men in front of him in a state of unease.</p><p>“Do you recall feeling any discomfort during your sleep or immediately after waking up?”</p><p>“Not really. I was more shocked than anything else.”</p><p>“Alright. I think we’ll have to run some extra tests. If you could come this way.” The doctor gestured towards the door. Sykkuno hesitated for a moment, before getting up. He turned to his side and gave Corpse a shrug, then followed the doctor.</p><p>--------------------------------------</p><p>It had been 10 minutes at most, but Corpse couldn’t help but be worried. He’d seen the reluctance in Sykkuno’s eyes when he’d left. Deep down, he knew that they were at the hospital, possibly the safest place for Sykkuno for the time being, but at the surface, his thoughts were being bombarded by all the worst-case scenarios.</p><p>Corpse would be fine with Sykkuno not remembering him, and heck, he could even deal with Sykkuno calling quits on their relationship. It would tear him apart for sure, but he’d take that any day over Sykkuno being <em>hurt</em>.</p><p>Even thinking about it made his heart clench in all the wrong ways.</p><p>Just as Corpse was about to go down another morose path, the door opened.</p><p>“If you could wait here for a moment and I’ll be back with the test results,” the doctor said.</p><p>Sykkuno nodded and made his way towards the vacant chair.</p><p>“How’d it go Sy?” Corpse asked as soon as he made himself comfortable.</p><p>“Alright. Just some bloodwork and other tests. Not really a big deal.”</p><p>His trembling hand said otherwise.</p><p>Corpse gave him a sympathetic look. He reached out, debating for a moment before thinking <em>fuck it</em> and grabbing Sykkuno’s hand. He gave it a squeeze, hoping to reassure the other man.</p><p>The pair sat in silence, anticipation haunting over them as they waited for the doctor to return.</p><p>Perhaps it was 5 minutes or 5 hours later, neither could be quite sure, but the doctor finally made his way back through the door.</p><p>“So Sykkuno, most of your vitals seem to be fine. Currently, I would say that you’re facing retrograde amnesia.”</p><p>Sykkuno’s entire body tensed, and his free hand subconsciously drifted to the hem of his sweater, where he held onto it with a firm grip. He knew that something of that calibre was to be expected – he couldn’t remember anything so amnesia had obviously been his first thought too, but <em>actually</em> putting a name to it scared him out of his wits.</p><p>After giving Sykkuno a moment to process what he was being told, he continued, “Fortunately, you don’t seem to have any symptoms for any serious complications that usually come with retrograde amnesia, but the fact that you lost such a large portion of your memory is worrying. You seem to have experienced a minor stroke in your sleep, which was caused by a temporary blockage of blood to the brain.”</p><p>A gasp escaped out of Sykkuno’s lips. <em>A stroke?</em> He’d always been anxious, but this new-found information made him panic at a whole new level. Jesus, he could have <em>died</em> overnight!</p><p>Beside him, Corpse was affected just as badly. The younger man’s grasp on his hand tightened even more, as an undecipherable look crossed upon his face. His lips curled down into a frown as his eyebrows were drawn in thought.</p><p>“Will he be okay now? Is there anything to do to help him? What if it gets worse?” Corpse bombarded the doctor with questions.</p><p>“At the moment, there isn’t much to do in the way of getting his memory back. For some people it’ll come back over time, for some it never does. You’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll give you some painkillers, but he should be fine unless he keeps losing his memory. If that happens, come back immediately.”</p><p>Corpse nodded solemnly at his words, internalising each bit of new information.</p><p>Sykkuno was the complete opposite – a dazed look had formed upon his face as he attempted to compute what he was being told.</p><p>The last two years of his life really was gone. Forever. Yes, the doctor had said that there’d be a possibility he’d get it back, but Sykkuno didn’t want to put all his hopes on what would essentially be a fluke, that is, if it even happened.</p><p>Sykkuno let out another sigh. Just earlier that morning, he’d been feeling hopeful that he<em>’d be fine</em> and <em>they’d be able to overcome this.</em> Right now, he wasn’t so sure about any of that.</p><p>Honestly, he wished they’d just stayed in their little bubble at home. <em>Selective ignorance.</em> Then just maybe he wouldn’t have had to face the dire situation they were in.</p><p>“Thank you, Doctor. We’ll see ourselves out,” Sykkuno said. He and Corpse rose from their seats.</p><p>They had a lot ahead of them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:))<br/>If you have any suggestions for this story/prompts in general, feel free to drop them in the comments or on my tumblr!! &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I think I’m going to go lie down for a bit,” Sykkuno said as soon as they entered the apartment. His voice was downcast, clearly affected by what they had just found out. Corpse couldn’t blame him.</p>
<p>“Of course, Sy.”</p>
<p>Sykkuno stood in the hallway for a moment, eyes clouded in thought, before he finally made his way towards their bedroom.</p>
<p>As soon as he was out of sight, Corpse visibly deflated. The last few hours were finally beginning to take their toll on him.</p>
<p>He couldn’t believe it; Sykkuno had had a <em>stroke</em> the night before? While he lay right there next to him? Corpse knew that he was a troubled sleeper at best, so how had he missed something so goddamn important happening right next to him?</p>
<p>The thought made him shudder. When Sykkuno needed him most, he wasn’t there for him. Way to be a lousy boyfriend. Corpse couldn’t help but think that just maybe if he had been awake, if he’d been there for Sykkuno, all of this wouldn’t have happened. It killed him inside that he could have helped prevent all of this, but he<em> hadn’t.</em></p>
<p>Corpse could feel himself already spiralling downwards, moments from being stuck in the never-ending loop of <em>I should have known </em>and <em>I should do better,</em> but he knew that he had to set his priorities straight.</p>
<p>From now on, Sykkuno would <em>always</em> come first.</p>
<p>And if that meant that he had to compromise his own health, then so be it.</p>
<p>Corpse trudged over to the kitchen. He could already feel an ache settling deep within his bones, and all he wanted to do was escape from it all and rest for a bit. However, he knew that Sykkuno would be infinitely more tired than him, and it was Corpse’s responsibility to make him as comfortable as possible.</p>
<p>He fumbled around in the cupboards, looking for ingredients. They were overdue for a grocery run, but it was usually Sykkuno who’d do the shopping. Now, Corpse wasn’t really sure when he’d be able to.</p>
<p>He grabbed a pot and some vegetables from the fridge. Soup seemed like a fool-proof plan. It usually helped ill people, right? Corpse groaned under his breath. He really was useless at this. Nevertheless, he’d learnt a couple of tricks from all those years living alone, and he and Sykkuno had cooked together dozens of times, so at the very least he knew how to make a decent soup.</p>
<p>He worked on autopilot, manoeuvring around the kitchen with ease. Yet his comfort at the familiar setting only made him feel worse for Sykkuno, who didn’t have that luxury anymore.</p>
<p>Corpse let out a sigh. This was going to be a difficult ride.</p>
<p>--------------------------------------</p>
<p>All that information had been <em>a lot</em> to process. Sykkuno liked to think that he was generally pretty calm and collected, but the whole morning had been testing his patience. What he really needed now was some time to himself, away from everyone, even Corpse.</p>
<p>Sykkuno appreciated the effort the younger man was going to, he really did, but at times it was just <em>too</em> much. Corpse seemed to forget that Sykkuno didn’t know him all that well, and although he was willing to try, there was only so much he could do. For Sykkuno, the last two years were nothing but a distant idea, a fairy tale being spurred on by Corpse’s words and absolutely nothing else.</p>
<p>He trusted Corpse, he really did, and all the little things around him - the photos and the stray socks and the souvenirs – assured him that he really did have a life here, but it was still impossible to comprehend.</p>
<p>He’d retreated to his bedroom (<em>their</em> bedroom, Sykkuno reminded himself), and sat down on the left side of the bed. The doctor had told him to rest as much as possible, his body and mind would both need it, so he leaned back, ready to fall mercy to sleep once more.</p>
<p>Yet as soon as his head hit the pillow, he knew something was off. A deep musky note encompassed him, before softening down to a sweeter scent. It was nice, that was for sure, but Sykkuno was almost certain that he did <em>not</em> smell like that. So, this was Corpse’s side.</p>
<p>He swiftly rolled over to the other side of the bed. <em>Ah,</em> that was a lot better. How he’d forgotten his side of the bed despite waking up there only hours ago, Sykkuno had no idea, but it was yet another testament to how messed up his brain had really gotten. Sleep would surely help.</p>
<p>Sykkuno laid there, eyes squeezed shut, and tried to will sleep to come over him. Yet his thoughts kept whizzing by a mile a minute, keeping his mind busy. The harder he tried to shut it down, the more frantic it all became. Like birds flitting around in a torturous cage, he just couldn’t manage to calm his mind.</p>
<p>Sykkuno let out a sigh. Sleep was a lost cause.</p>
<p>He shifted over to his side, hoping that a new position would help, when a shiny object on the side table caught his eye.</p>
<p>
  <em>His phone.</em>
</p>
<p>In all the rush this morning, Sykkuno hadn’t had the opportunity to check it. He was never obsessed with his phone to begin with, often only checking it a handful of times each day, but he was dreading it even more now.</p>
<p>Would he recognise the people in his contacts? Were his friends still the same? Did he even <em>have</em> friends anymore?</p>
<p>He stared at the offensive object for a second, before finally putting himself out of his misery.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it looked like a regular morning’s worth of notifications. He had some messages from people and group chats he didn’t recognise, and many from people he did. The most recent one was from Rae.</p>
<p>Sykkuno let out a sigh of relief. At least some things hadn’t changed. </p>
<p>He tapped onto her contact and quickly clicked the facetime button. He just wanted to see someone he knew.</p>
<p>In hindsight, he realised checking the time was probably a good idea. <em>11am. </em>Surely Rae was up by now. Just as he had the thought, the call connected, and he was met with the sight of a hyperactive Rae, looking exactly how he remembered. Somehow, just the sight of Rae made him cheer up that tiny bit more.</p>
<p>“Sykkuno!” her lively voice filled up the room, making him feel a bit more at home.</p>
<p>“Rae!” he tried his best to return her enthusiasm - he really <em>was</em> happy to see her, but he knew that he couldn’t fool Rae. He never could, and now, after two more years of knowing her, he bet that it was even more unlikely.</p>
<p>Just as he expected, a worried look came across Rae’s face, “Sykkuno, what’s up?”</p>
<p>As infectiously energetic Rae could be, she still had a penchant for comforting people with one word, a simple tone in her voice that could make Sykkuno (and anyone, for that matter) spill their guts out to her.</p>
<p>“This morning’s been a mess.”</p>
<p>“Oh no, what’s happened?”</p>
<p>Sykkuno took in a sharp breath. This was another one of those things that had been plaguing his mind since the morning: telling their friends. It was inevitable really, given how close they all were, but Sykkuno had expected to have a little more time to come to terms with it himself before having to divulge with others.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, this was Rae he was talking to. Sweet, caring Rae who’d always have his best interests in mind. He could tell her, <em>easy peasy. </em></p>
<p><em>Easy</em>, he was telling himself, but that didn’t stop him from stalling. After several moments of silence, he heard Rae take in a breath, undoubtedly to move on from the conversation. She could sense his unease from miles off.</p>
<p>But no, Sykkuno couldn’t miss his only chance.</p>
<p>“I lost my memory and I can’t remember anything from the last two years and it just really really sucks,” he blurted out.</p>
<p>He met Rae’s eyes through the small screen. They had widened in disbelief. Her mouth hung open comically, like she was a character in some cartoon.</p>
<p>Had it been a different situation, Sykkuno would have absolutely started giggling. But again, <em>there was a time and a place.</em></p>
<p>After the initial shock passed, she started sputtering incoherently.</p>
<p>“I-I, you… uh, you… what…” she took a moment to school her thoughts.</p>
<p>“You lost your memory?!”</p>
<p>“Uh… yeah.”</p>
<p>She was stunned into silence for another few seconds. Jesus, if it was this hard to tell Rae of all people, Sykkuno didn’t want to think about what telling the others would be like.</p>
<p>Finally, Rae seemed to come to terms with this newfound information.</p>
<p>“So you don’t remember anything from the past two years?” she asked gently.</p>
<p>“Yeah, pretty much.”</p>
<p>“That <em>does</em> suck,” Rae sympathised, a dismal look coming over her face.</p>
<p>Sykkuno hummed in agreement, his eyes straying to the bed cover. The way she was looking at him, all wide eyes and gentle features, was an expression he’d seen too many times that morning, from the doctor, to the nurse, to Corpse. The expression that just screamed: <em>he’s fragile.</em> Sykkuno hated it.</p>
<p>“You guys went to the hospital, right?” concern laced her voice.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, we went this morning. I apparently had a minor stroke while I was sleeping and, uh, the doctor said something about blood flow?” Sykkuno paused and looked up at the screen again. Rae’s eyes were blown wide open once more. He hastily continued, “but don’t worry, there isn’t any major damage or anything. The only big thing is my memory, and they’re not sure whether it’ll come back or not.”</p>
<p>“God, Sykkuno, I’m <em>so </em>sorry,” Rae said. “We’re all here for you if you need us.”</p>
<p>Sykkuno smiled at that. “Thanks Rae.” At least he still had his friends.</p>
<p>The conversation moved on as Rae told him about her week, trying to bring some normalcy back into his life. He appreciated the effort, how even though he’d played with her in so many of her recent streams, she still recounted them as if he hadn’t.</p>
<p>“Corpse has been taking care of you, right?” Rae asked as she rounded up her little week summary.</p>
<p><em>Ah</em>, another topic Sykkuno was reluctant to approach. But he’d told Rae so much already that he didn’t want to keep it from her.</p>
<p>“Yeah he’s been great, but maybe a bit too much. I mean, I barely know him? We weren’t dating two years ago, so jumping into this is just a bit… <em>much</em>,” Sykkuno sighed.</p>
<p>Rae nodded in support, but Sykkuno didn’t miss the way her eyes clouded over.</p>
<p>He continued, not wanting to just talk about the bad, “I really like him though. We agreed to give us a go. He’s been nothing but supportive and you guys <em>know</em> how much I like him, or I guess how much I liked him two years ago, so it’s not that I don’t want to do this. It’s just…” Sykkuno hesitated.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Rae asked, no doubt urging him to continue.</p>
<p>“I <em>know</em> how much he cares for me and I don’t want to just burden him like this. I don’t even remember anything about our relationship, and that must be terrible for Corpse. He’s gonna get sick of it sooner or later. I don’t want him to have to endure all of this, all of <em>me.</em>”</p>
<p>Sykkuno,” Rae interrupted before he could say anymore, “you’re allowed to have feelings about your relationship, heck you just went through a life changing event, and if <em>you</em> want to call it off, then that’s completely valid. But don’t you <em>ever</em> doubt that Corpse doesn’t love you, he would literally hang the stars for you if he could. We all saw you guys before you got together and we see you now, and just know that you guys make each other better. If I know him, and I definitely do, you’re not a burden to him and you never will be just because of this.”</p>
<p>Rae finished her mini monologue with a pleading look, wanting more than anything for Sykkuno to understand.</p>
<p>But she knew Sykkuno well, and she knew Sykkuno from two years ago even better, so she was well aware of what a sceptic he always was. Heck, he and Corpse could have been together <em>weeks </em>earlier if Sykkuno hadn’t been so goddamn doubtful about everything.</p>
<p>“I don’t know Rae…” he replied. <em>Of course.</em> Rae had seen that response coming.</p>
<p>“I know he cares for me but…” Sykkuno trailed off. “We’ll see how it goes.”</p>
<p>Rae sighed. She wasn’t happy with the response, but it’s the best she’d be getting.</p>
<p>“If you say so, Kkuno.”</p>
<p>“I think I should actually rest now, Rae. Talk to you later?” Sykkuno said after a moment of silence.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course! Get as much rest as you can! I’ll text you later,” Rae replied with a smile, before they both disconnected the call.</p>
<p>Just as Sykkuno was about to return his phone to the side table, his wallpaper caught his eye.</p>
<p>It was another picture of Corpse and him. Sykkuno was sat cross-legged on the floor, Bimbus snug on his lap as he licked at Sykkuno’s face. Corpse was situated behind him, arms grasped around Sykkuno in a hug, with his fingers tangled in Bimbus’ curly fur. Sykkuno recognised his parents’ sofa in the background. It was like a complete family photo, and he felt his heart clenching from just looking at it.</p>
<p>Sykkuno sighed. He gave the picture one last glance and placed his phone on the table, ready to sleep at last.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I spent a solid 20 minutes searching up notes for pi neo, and then proceeded to write two large-ish paragraphs on it before i realised that it doesn't fit in anywhere lmao<br/>Also, our boys need to learn to prioritise themselves !!! (i say that as if i'm not the one writing this 😂)<br/>Suggestions are always welcome!! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a week since that unfortunate day, and things were rough for both of them.</p><p>Corpse had been walking on eggshells all week, terrified of overstepping Sykkuno’s boundaries. He knew Sykkuno like the back of his hand, and could easily recognise when he was uncomfortable. That meant he picked up from the first day how Sykkuno would tense at Corpse’s touch, or how he had trouble holding eye contact for too long.</p><p>Honestly, Corpse wished he weren’t so attuned to the other’s emotions, if only so it wouldn’t hurt so much.</p><p>Corpse had faced his first problem on the very first night: their sleeping arrangements. Sure, they’d moved in together after only knowing each other for a couple of weeks, but at that point they were just roommates, who happened to be dating. Heck, it had taken the two of them two whole months of dating the first time around before they were comfortable sleeping in the same bed. Both he and Sykkuno were <em>very</em> private and anxious people.</p><p>So now, Corpse knew that it would have been inappropriate to just make himself comfortable in their bed. Sykkuno, after everything he’d gone through, deserved to stay there way more than he did. So, Corpse had accepted it.</p><p>Half an hour of hauling later and all of Corpse’s things had been relocated to the guest room. Their bedroom was barren, only half of it filled with life while the remainder lay bare, but Corpse knew it was for the best.</p><p>Of course, Sykkuno had helped him with the move, arduously carrying coat hangers and dragging boxes. Yet the whole time, he stayed silent. Corpse knew why; Sykkuno was just too polite with <em>everyone. </em>If Corpse let him, Sykkuno would absolutely be saying <em>it’s fine</em> and <em>don’t worry Corpse, you don’t have to move, </em>even if he was uncomfortable. But in the little time they’d been together, Sykkuno had realised Corpse’s aptitude at reading him. He’d never be able to sell the white lie.</p><p>So, he had settled for reluctantly going along with it.</p><p>Once everything was moved, Corpse had settled into his new room, and that’s where he’d been for the past week.</p><p>Insomnia and sleep apnoea made a killer combination, so Corpse had never been good with sleep. But having Sykkuno there next to him, a warm mass that would provide him comfort whenever it got too bad, had helped infinitely. In the last two years, he’d slept better than he had in his entire life.</p><p><em>Hello again, sleepless nights.</em> Corpse felt a smidgen of regret at how both his and Sykkuno’s sleep would be compromised (Sykkuno slept like a <em>baby</em> when it was the two of them), but that regret was overshadowed by his instinct to always protect the older man.</p><p>It was an early morning, at least early for him, and Corpse was lying in bed on his phone when he heard a knock at the bedroom door.</p><p>“Come in.”</p><p>Sykkuno’s head popped around the door. “Good morning! I-I’m gonna call my mom in a couple minutes, so I probably won’t be free for a bit.”</p><p>Despite his bright tone, Corpse noticed the slight stutter to his words.</p><p>He nodded, offering a reassuring smile back, “Good luck.”</p><p>Sykkuno slowly went to close the door, until Corpse called out, “Wait Sykkuno!”</p><p>His head popped back around the corner.</p><p>“Uh, just reminding you that we’re going over to the OTV house tomorrow.”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Sykkuno’s entire demeanour visibly flattened for a moment. He let out a sigh, before giving Corpse a smile and leaving the room.</p><p>--------------------------------------</p><p>All things considered, they’d managed to keep it from their friends for long enough. Sykkuno had taken time off indefinitely from streaming, and although fans were concerned, he hadn’t disclosed much more.</p><p>His friends on the other hand, were getting more and more curious by the day. He’d been scarce in group chats and declined all offers to play together – of course they had realised that something was up.</p><p><em>Oh well.</em> Tomorrow would be tough, but he’d rather it be sooner than later. Rip off the metaphorical bandaid and all.</p><p>But now, he had something even more important to do: breaking the news to his mom.</p><p>Sykkuno trudged to his room and perched upon his bed. He grasped onto the bedsheets, trying to find some comfort in the setting. With trembling hands, he reached for his phone.</p><p>The number he needed was conveniently in his speed dial, so he was just one tap away from the call.</p><p>He fiddled with his phone for a moment. There was no point in prolonging the inevitable. He tapped on the number.</p><p>It rang for a few moments before Sykkuno heard the signature <em>click</em>, signalling that the call had connected.</p><p>“Hey Mom.”</p><p>“Hello dear.”</p><p>“I-I…” Sykkuno heard his voice crack. He could already feel the characteristic tightening in his throat, and he knew that it would only be a matter of time before the tears came.</p><p>He took in a deep breath. As hard as it was, he had to do it. Sykkuno braced himself, then began again.</p><p>“So Mom, around a week ago…”</p><p>Once he’d finished recounting the last week to his mother, both of them were in tears. His mom was worried for him, as any mother would be, and as much as Sykkuno wanted to tell her only the bare bones of what happened, if only to stop her from worrying, he knew that he couldn’t keep it from her.</p><p>So when her sobs rang out through the tinny speaker, Sykkuno couldn’t help but feel a small part of himself break too. He’d never heard his mother cry like this – it was as if the cries were being <em>torn</em> out of her, each breath digging a fresh wound into both of them.</p><p>It hit him right then and there that this whole situation was so much bigger than just himself.</p><p>Here he was, so deeply hurting all the people close to him – his own mom, his friends who he’d been pushing away, Corpse, who he’d practically friend-zoned.  It was the first time he’d really seen the consequences so starkly laid out in front of him.</p><p>And speak of the devil, that’s when his mother finally spoke up again.</p><p>“How’s my other son keeping up with all of this? I-Is Corpse taking good care of you?” she’d gotten her sobs under control, a stray sniffle still sneaking into her words, but it seemed she had newfound hope with her question.</p><p>“Yeah Mom, Corpse has been taking really good care of me,” he replied. It was the truth, but he couldn’t help but dwell on the fact that with all that Corpse had been helping him, Sykkuno had only further hurt him in return.</p><p>Nevertheless, Sykkuno’s mom seemed to be relieved at his response.</p><p>“Tell the boy I appreciate it, and send him my love,” she said, a content expression returning to her face.</p><p>Sykkuno smiled at her words, “Will do, mom. I love you! Talk to you later.”</p><p>“Bye son, I love you too.”</p><p>With that, they signed off, and Sykkuno finally let himself drop his happy front.</p><p>He’d expected it to hurt, heck he’d even expected the tears, but he hadn’t expected to be so brutally confronted with the reality off the situation.</p><p>Everyone around him was suffering purely because of him and none of them deserved it.</p><p>His mind strayed back to the person he’d been talking about only moments earlier: Corpse<em>.</em></p><p>The younger man had done just about everything to accommodate for Sykkuno since the accident: he’d given up his room, his time, and all his effort despite him having his own things to do. And what had Sykkuno done? He’d just leeched off Corpse, taking his all and not even providing a single thing in return.</p><p>He remembered that first morning, when they’d agreed to being boyfriends again. Was that why Corpse had still stuck around? Because he felt that Sykkuno was his responsibility?</p><p>Sykkuno shuddered at the thought. He really had been so selfish this whole time. Corpse absolutely deserved better. He deserved someone who could give him everything, unlike Sykkuno, who couldn’t even do the fucking <em>grocery shopping </em>anymore. He deserved someone who didn’t occupy his spare time and make him some sort of caretaker when he hadn’t even consented to it.</p><p>God, Sykkuno felt like an idiot. He really had just blindly been taking Corpse’s generosity without realising how it was affecting the other man.</p><p>He sighed. There were two ways he could go about with this, with one being infinite times easier than the other. He could continue leeching off of Corpse and just hope that the man would deal with it. Nothing much would have to change for the time being.</p><p>Or he could be the bigger person and consider what would be best for Corpse in the long run, even though he already knew that it would hurt them both <em>so </em>much<em>.</em> Despite everything, he loved Corpse, he really did.</p><p>Sykkuno sat in his room for a few minutes more, contemplating his choices. Whichever one he picked, he knew that he’d have to come to a decision soon. He weighed up the pros and cons, trying to deliberate with his inner self, but in the end, he knew which one he had to choose.</p><p>He rose from his bed with a heavy heart.</p><p>--------------------------------------</p><p>In the half an hour Sykkuno had been calling his mom, Corpse had gotten up from bed and started on some breakfast for the two of them. It was nothing special, just some toast and eggs, but he knew that Sykkuno would appreciate it after the call.</p><p>Soon enough, he heard Sykkuno’s door creak open, and the older man came into view. As expected, he looked worn down, eyes downcast as he fiddled with his T-shirt sleeves. That was something he did a lot of lately, Corpse had noticed.</p><p>“How’d it go Sy?” Corpse asked.</p><p>“Alright. She was obviously shocked, and worried,” Sykkuno replied, his voice getting higher on the last word.</p><p>Corpse recognised the tone. He quickly switched off the stove and turned around, ready to walk over to the other man. In the last week, they’d worked on their boundaries and had found that both of them were good with hugs.</p><p>Yet as soon as he wrapped his arms around Sykkuno, the other man tensed, then pushed him away gently. Corpse was confused to say the least, and a little bit hurt.</p><p>Sykkuno cleared his throat, “Corpse, I think we should talk.”</p><p>Corpse was already dreading whichever conversation loomed ahead of them, but he agreed, “Sure Sy.”</p><p>Sykkuno guided the two of them to the living room and Corpse sat down first. Sykkuno sat down on the opposite side of the sofa, keeping ample space between them.</p><p>Sykkuno took in a deep breath, his eyes looking everywhere except at Corpse’s. If anything, Corpse just really wished that in that moment, he didn’t know how to read Sykkuno so well.</p><p>“Corpse…” he faltered, “Corpse, I think we should take some time apart.”</p><p>And there it was – the bombshell.</p><p>“I think it’d be best for both of us.”</p><p>Corpse heard everything Sykkuno was saying, but he was still stuck processing the first line he had said. He was breaking up with him, wasn’t he?</p><p>“We can still live together and everything, only if your comfortable, but I think we’d both be happier like that.”</p><p><em>God</em>, Corpse knew for sure that he most definitely would <em>not</em> be happier like that. But he had come to the conclusion that Sykkuno was just telling a little white lie to save Corpse’s feelings; the truth was surely that Sykkuno himself didn’t want to be with Corpse anymore. Maybe he never had, and the last two years had just been Sykkuno being his usual nice self.</p><p>Nevertheless, Corpse knew that he had to consider Sykkuno’s priorities first.</p><p>Corpse felt his throat close up, but he managed to get one last sentence out, “Yeah, okay Sykkuno. If that’s what makes you comfortable.”</p><p>He didn’t even manage to gauge Sykkuno’s response before he was standing up, feet moving of their own accord as he bolted to the guest bedroom.</p><p>A muffled sob echoed through the apartment right before he closed the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A disclaimer: I've gotten into a new fandom recently, and whenever that happens it becomes an all-consuming thing and I can't really focus on anything else. So I'll be trying to update this as much as possible (once a week as of now), but I'm not too sure if I'll actually be able to stick to it 😅<br/>Nevertheless, thank you for reading thus far!! Suggestions are always welcome :)<br/>&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wooooh 10k words!! This is probably the most I've ever written for anything.<br/>TW for a panic attack in this chapter.<br/>Also please read the end notes for an important poll about the direction of this story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the day had been awkward to say the least.</p><p>They had each stayed holed away in their respective rooms, scared of coming across the other if they dared to step out. Mealtimes were tense, but at least they had that. If either were alone in this, they’d forego eating altogether.  Instead, they endured each other’s company, the only words exchanged being a strained “<em>is pizza good?” “yeah” “okay” </em>before the silence engulfed them once more.</p><p>It was sickening.</p><p>Even before all this, Sykkuno had always like hanging out with his friends and despite his shy demeanour, he was extremely talkative once he got going. Restraining himself like this just felt <em>wrong</em>, and he found himself doubting whether he should have even said anything.</p><p>Nevertheless, he reminded himself each time that this was for the best.</p><p>The following morning came and brought with it a sense of emptiness Sykkuno was starting to get used to. Although not much had changed at all, he still missed just being able to <em>talk</em> to Corpse. Sure, it was awkward and stilted at times, but he still appreciated their dumb conversations that brought just a little bit of normalcy back to his life.</p><p>It felt like there was a gaping hole in his heart, piercing the most vital part of his being and leaving him feeling <em>nothing</em>. Even though Sykkuno had been the one to call it off, it was completely tearing him apart. He could only imagine how much worse it was for Corpse, who had to endure the silence with the full knowledge that it hadn’t always been like this.</p><p>Sykkuno felt like a total asshole.</p><p>That’s as much as he’d figured out by the time they made it over to the OTV house.</p><p>“Sykkuno! Corpse!” an energetic Rae bounded towards them the moment they entered the building. A smile formed upon his face – at least some things hadn’t changed.</p><p>She hugged Corpse, who eagerly hugged back, then turned to Sykkuno, giving him a soft smile before engulfing him in a similar action.</p><p>Sykkuno couldn’t help but smile at that. After that first day, he’d confided in Rae every step of the way, needing the support from at least <em>someone </em>in his life. At the end of the day, she was probably the only one, other than him and Corpse of course, who knew everything that was happening.</p><p>Rae moved back from the hug and fell in step with the two of them as they made their way to the living room. Similar sentiments were shared as they all fell into a heap on the sofa, greeting and hugging everyone along the way.</p><p>“I ordered Taco Bell just before, your orders too,” Lily said, looking at Corpse and Sykkuno, “So anyone up for Mario Kart while we wait?”</p><p>“I’m down,” Toast replied, grabbing a controller as others around the room did the same.</p><p>Sykkuno allowed himself to relax, taking in the sheer warmth encapsulating the room. It honestly felt like returning home, and he realised how much he really missed streaming, or even just playing games with his friends. He’d have to think about that soon.</p><p>After a couple rounds, Sykkuno graciously gave up his controller to Scarra, who’d been watching from the sidelines. He leaned back in his seat, content to just watch his friends play.</p><p>And then he noticed it.</p><p>It was subtle, he’d give his friends that much credit, but nowhere near subtle enough for him to not notice. If Sykkuno was in a better state of mind, he would have picked it up the moment he’d joined the group on the couch, but alas it had taken him this long.</p><p>Every now and then, someone would look over at him. Had it happened once or twice, he’d have written it off as an inadvertent action, but no, in the last ten minutes that he’d been sitting there, practically <em>everyone</em> had eyed him warily at least once.</p><p>And that put him on edge.</p><p>Sykkuno had never been good at confrontations, but he had to say something about it. He sat up straighter in his seat, surveying the room quickly, and took in a breath.</p><p>“Uh, you alright Sykkuno?”</p><p>Sykkuno’s head snapped to the side, where Toast was looking back at him, eyes clouded in worry. Toast had always cared for his friends, but the usual joking tone covering it up was missing<em>.</em></p><p>He sighed, “Hey Toast, is something up?”</p><p>The other man seemed to be taken aback by the question. He turned his head to the side, eyebrows drawing together, “I could ask you the same thing.”</p><p>This exchange was just making Sykkuno more worried. Did the others somehow already know?</p><p>Toast took the silence as a sign to continue, “I know we don’t really talk about this stuff, but did something happen between you and Corpse? You guys are usually all over each other, but I haven’t seen you guys talking once this entire afternoon.”</p><p>As if to prove his point, Toast looked over to Corpse, who was seated on the opposite side of the room, phone in hand after he’d offered up his spot to Brodin.</p><p>Ah, that made more sense. Sykkuno hadn’t exactly figured out what he and Corpse had been like as a couple, but it had become more than apparent that they were the touchy type.</p><p>Sykkuno revelled in this newfound information for a moment, before he realised that Toast’s question was still up in the air.</p><p> “Uh, well…” he trailed off. He trusted Toast, he really did, but he just didn’t know how to break the news.</p><p>As his luck would have it, at that a moment a familiar <em>ding </em>resounded through the house.</p><p>“Food’s here!” Poki shouted out.</p><p><em>Saved by the bell</em>. Sykkuno would be eternally grateful to the Postmates worker.</p><p>The food was handed out and a comfortable silence settled over the room. Or as comfortable as it could get now that Sykkuno had seen the weird looks he was getting. Yet as he really focused on it, he realised that Corpse was getting just as many looks, and that his friends all looked more worried than anything else.</p><p>Oh Jesus, had they all figured it out as well? With the arrival of the food, Sykkuno had mostly forgotten about his abandoned conversation with Toast, but now, his thoughts just kept wondering back to it.</p><p>If they’d all figured it out in what couldn’t have been more than an hour, how long would it take them to find out about the whole amnesia thing? Sykkuno was sure that it wouldn’t be all that long.</p><p>Then it dawned on him: he’d have to tell them.</p><p>Sure, he could wait until he messed up in front of them, when he couldn’t remember a day or a game that he really should know, but he didn’t want it to get to that.</p><p>He was going to do it.</p><p>He cleared his throat, and the quiet conversations around him all immediately ended as a dozen odd pairs of eyes all landed on him.</p><p>The pin-drop silence intimidated him at best, but he knew what he had to do.</p><p>Across the room, his gaze met Corpse’s and in that split-second, a shared understanding formed between them. Yes, this would be hard, but at the end of it he’d still have Corpse to lean on, as friends if nothing else.</p><p>Jesus, he really, <em>really</em> liked this man.</p><p>The little bit of reassurance he got from Corpse gave him enough courage to finally begin.</p><p>“Uh, well-uh, guys,” he might as well rip of the bandaid, “I lost my memory.”</p><p>Collective gasps resounded around the room. Whatever everyone was expecting, this definitely <em>wasn’t </em>it.</p><p>Amidst the crowd, he caught Rae’s eye, who just gave a sympathetic nod. There wasn’t much she could do to help other than offer her support.</p><p>A moment passed in which everyone processed the information that was dumped on them, before it all fell into utter chaos.</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“How did it happen?”</p><p>“Sykkuno, when?”</p><p>“Wait do you remember us?”</p><p>The voices came from all directions, and although in the back of his mind he knew that it was just his friends, he couldn’t for the life of him distinguish between them. It was all just one big mess of noise bombarding his thoughts.</p><p>He looked around at all of them, trying to make out who was who and maybe even answer a question or too, but it was a lost cause. The mixture of noises seeped through him, filling up his entire being with static and making him unable to do anything.</p><p>The familiar faces around him morphed into nothing but blurs, and it honestly <em>hurt</em> to even look at them. He redirected his gaze to his hands, trying with all his effort to focus on them and regain some control over himself. He tried, he really did, but even his most wasn’t enough.</p><p>He couldn’t feel himself breathing, as if the air itself had frozen, but he could feel his chest raising and deflating a mile a minute. It should be helping. Why wasn’t it helping?</p><p>As if a switch had flipped, all the noise around him suddenly funnelled into silence, not even a breath in the stagnant atmosphere.</p><p>At this point, he wasn’t sure if the noise really had stopped, or if <em>he</em> had just stopped processing it.</p><p>Then he felt it – a hand gently placed on his back, stroking up and down in a consistent motion.</p><p>“Sykkuno, breath,” a voice said in his ear, soft as a breeze. “In, out. In, out.”</p><p>Sykkuno focused all his energy onto that one voice, taking the comforting strokes on his back as a cue to follow. <em>In, out. In, out.</em> He could do this.</p><p>They stayed sitting like that - for a minute or ten, Sykkuno hadn’t been able to process – until finally his breathing evened out. Nowhere near where he was before, but enough that he regained some consciousness of his surroundings.</p><p>“You’re alright Sykkuno.”</p><p>Corpse was sat beside him, closer than they’d been all night, one arm still resting on his back and the other holding his arm. It was comforting in a way Sykkuno hadn’t experienced before, or at least didn’t remember experiencing.</p><p>It washed some much-needed serenity over him, making him feel more at home than he had in the past week. Sykkuno finally raised his gaze from his arms, meeting Corpse’s eyes.</p><p>“You don’t have to tell them anything you don’t want to,” Corpse whispered in a hushed tone, eyes trying their hardest to convey everything he was trying to say.</p><p>Sykkuno just nodded, clearing his throat once more. “I think I’m alright now,” he said, voice scratchy from the strain.</p><p>At that, Corpse seemed to relax, loosening his grip on the older man’s arm.</p><p>“Okay,” he replied. He wasn’t completely relaxed just yet, but Sykkuno could tell that his initial panic had passed.</p><p>He took a moment for himself, really calculating everything that was about to come, before finally looking up again.</p><p>This time, everyone seemed to be wearing a similar look, a mixture of shame, pity and concern, that made Sykkuno’s stomach churn. He lightly grabbed onto Corpse’s shirt, purely out of instinct, and let himself actually process the questions they’d asked before.</p><p>“Uh, well I can’t really remember anything from the past two years, since around November 2020? I still remember you guys, obviously, but nothing we did in the last two years,” he paused, giving everyone time to take it in. “The doctor said that there isn’t anything to do about it. The memories might come back by themselves, or they might not.”  </p><p>“Oh no <em>Sykkuno</em>,” Lily was the first to voice her concern, and everyone else’s words of encouragement followed soon after. Sykkuno would be forever grateful for this friend group of theirs.</p><p>“Wait Sykkuno, you can’t remember anything since November 2020 right?” Toast piped up from next to him.</p><p>“Uh, yeah?”</p><p>“You and Corpse weren’t together then,” he stated matter-of-factly. There was no malice behind his words, just curiosity, but Sykkuno could tell what he was trying to insinuate. Toast had always been the smart one. At his statement, the entire room quietened down again.</p><p>Beside him, Sykkuno could feel Corpse let out a sigh. Today really was just revelation after revelation. Nevertheless, it had to be done.</p><p>His gaze met Corpse’s briefly, who surprisingly looked more confident than he was expecting. He gave Sykkuno a small nod, seemingly signalling to him to go ahead, so he did.</p><p>“Well, we decided to have a little break in our relationship.”</p><p>If he thought the reaction was bad before, it was simply ridiculous now. Everyone’s eyes were blown wide, as if they’d seen a ghost, and he spotted several of his friends spluttering, trying to form something coherent.</p><p>Sykkuno was sure that somewhere down the track, he’d find it hilarious that his friends were more shocked at the unsure state of his and Corpse’s relationship over the fact that he’d literally <em>lost his memory</em>, but in the moment it just served as a testament that this entire situation was a flaming dumpster fire of a mess.</p><p>“You guys can say something now,” Corpse said from beside him once the silence had stretched on for far too long.</p><p>“A-Are you guys alright?” Poki asked. It was a reasonable question, but it was one Sykkuno didn’t want to think about. Fortunately, Corpse took his lack of response as a sign to reply himself, “Yeah, sure.”</p><p>What kind of a response was that? Sykkuno could tell just from Corpse’s dejected tone that he was, in fact, <em>not</em> alright, but it seemed that everyone was willing to let the bluff go.</p><p>Corpse continued, “We’re still living together for now. I guess we’re just seeing how things go.”</p><p>That summed it up pretty well.</p><p>Corpse’s short responses seemed to flip a switch in the room. Everyone subconsciously understood to let the topic go, and the atmosphere reverted back to a new normal.</p><p>They finished their food in relative silence, before going on to play a new game. Slowly but surely, the mood shifted to something a bit lighter, and Sykkuno couldn’t be more grateful.</p><p>At least the elephant in the room was gone, he thought.</p><p>He leaned back on the sofa, slightly away from Corpse’s arm, who hadn’t moved back to his original spot on the other side of the room, and tried his best to meld back into the group.</p><p>He had two years' worth of catching up to do, so might as well start now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh god it's been like a month. I'm sorry!!<br/>I've got the next chapter or two planned out as well as the general ending, but nothing much beyond then, so suggestions are always welcome :)<br/>As always, thank you for reading &lt;3</p><p>POLL: DO YOU WANT SYKKUNO TO GET HIS MEMORY BACK OR NOT? There will still be a happy ending regardless of which one wins.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As of the poll on the last chapter, the majority of people wanted Sykkuno to get his memory back, so that's what'll happen... <em>eventually</em>. &gt;:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Boring definitely wasn’t the right word, but Corpse found that over the next couple of days, he and Sykkuno settled into a new normal. The tenseness from that first night, when they couldn’t even look each other in the eye for longer than a second, was thankfully gone, but that wasn’t to say things had returned to how they were before.</p><p>At this point, Corpse wasn’t sure if that would ever return again.</p><p>Anyhow, <em>new</em> normal – that’s what he’d focus on. Sykkuno was still distant, his guard up whenever they were together. Corpse knew that Sykkuno was blissfully unaware of how attuned to the older man’s feelings he was. That meant that he easily picked up on the split-second of hesitation when he asked Sykkuno a question, or the way Sykkuno would subtly try to move away when he stood a little too close for comfort.</p><p>Nevertheless, they were making it work.</p><p>Heck, Corpse was almost certain that Sykkuno had <em>flirted</em> with him the night before. They were making dinner together, a simple spaghetti dish that they’d settled on after scrutinising the sad state of their pantry, when Corpse somehow managed to blow a huge cloud of flour in the air. Of course, he just <em>had</em> to breath it in and that inevitably led to a coughing fit.</p><p>“Woah Corpse, you could say that the flour really is choking you like it hates you but it loves you,” Sykkuno had chimed in with a grin, gingerly patting Corpse’s back as he stood bent over.</p><p>That just set off his coughing even more, but for a completely different reason this time. It had been <em>years</em> since he’d last heard someone, especially Sykkuno, quote that song at him. There was something nostalgic about it, that same tone reminding him of all those Among Us games years ago when Sykkuno had said something similar. Corpse couldn’t help the dumb smile that found its way onto his face.</p><p>In some way, it felt like their relationship was back in those crucial starting weeks, when they’d both been wary of each other. As much as Corpse wants to say that they just <em>knew</em> what they’d become the first time they’d met, that simply wasn’t the case.</p><p>It had taken time and effort and dozens of late-night calls before either of them had really let their guard down. Right now, it felt as if he was right back there. At least for Corpse, he knew that he’d been through it before, and he knew very well what could happen from here on forth. He’d try to make the most of it.</p><p>So, that’s where they were for the time being. Settled in this teetering purgatory stage where nothing was set in stone, but they still somehow made it work between them.</p><p>So you could forgive Corpse for the <em>scream</em> that was torn out of him the following morning.</p><p>“Who are you?!”</p><p>That was the first thing he heard when he woke up. The second was an ear-shattering scream that he would never admit was his own. The third was the characteristic <em>thump</em> of a box falling over, with Sykkuno following its path milliseconds after.</p><p>“What?” Corpse couldn’t help but ask.</p><p>Sykkuno sat dazed on the floor, an oversized black hoodie engulfing him and making him look even more lost. Corpse was pretty sure it had been his own at one point. He then noticed a skillet in his hand, which made a bit more sense considering how loudly Sykkuno had fallen, which surely couldn’t have happened from just him falling over.</p><p><em>Wait what?</em> Corpse backtracked. A skillet?</p><p>Sykkuno seemed to have finally gathered his thoughts, and he raised the skillet weakly, “Yeah, who are you? What are you doing in my house, or what am <em>I </em>doing in <em>your</em> house?”</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>“<em>Sykkuno…”</em></p><p>Not this again.</p><p>“I’m Corpse? Your roommate, best friend?” <em>boyfriend</em>, he wanted to add, but he thought twice about it at the last second.</p><p>“Mr Corpse, I have no idea who you are,” Corpse could see the unfamiliarity in Sykkuno’s eyes, the way his shoulders were just that tiny bit more tensed than usual as he sat there alertly.</p><p>God, what was he supposed to do now? At least last time, Sykkuno knew who he was, but it seemed that all that was gone. Corpse shuddered thinking about just how much the older man had lost now.</p><p>But he didn’t let himself get caught up in his feelings for too long; there were more important things at hand. Namely the confused man still sitting on his bedroom floor, with a goddamn skillet in his hand of all things.</p><p>Then, he had an idea.</p><p>“You know Rae, right?” he asked.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Do <em>you</em> know her?”</p><p>Corpse let out a breath in relief.</p><p>“Wait a sec Sy,” he grabbed his phone of the nightstand, quickly sending Rae a two-sentence text summarising this newly unearthed situation as best as he could, before he tapped on the call button.</p><p>The phone rang for a beat, before the connection tone reverberated around the room.</p><p>“Sykkuno, you there?” Rae asked concerned.</p><p>Corpse caught the slight shift in Sykkuno’s demeanour, the way his shoulders relaxed that tiny bit at the familiar voice.</p><p>“Yeah,” he called out.</p><p>“That’s good. How you doin’ buddy?”</p><p>“Uh, I’m fine? Except I don’t really know where I am, or who this guy is. So I guess I’m not really that fine.”</p><p>Sykkuno had the conscience to look guilty as he said it, quickly glancing over at Corpse, then just as quickly diverting his gaze when he saw Corpse looking right back.</p><p>“That’s alright Sykkuno. You’re at your house, and the other guy’s Corpse, your roommate.”</p><p>Corpse gave a little wave at that. Being demoted to just his <em>roommate</em> stung a bit more than he expected, but he could see what Rae was trying to do. Baby steps – ease him into the situation first before dumping the theoretical ice bucket right on his head.</p><p>Sykkuno looked over at Corpse sceptically, but after a moment decided that he could trust him.</p><p>He gave Corpse a one-over, his eyes lingering on each part of Corpse as if he were trying to cement it to his memory, or perhaps trying to jolt some memories out of his messed-up brain. Corpse felt naked under Sykkuno’s gaze, even if it lasted for all of five seconds at most, but he couldn’t shake the familiarity of it.</p><p>Once he’d seemingly seen enough, Sykkuno glanced back at the phone still suspended in Corpse’s hand.</p><p>“Uh, okay,” he belatedly replied to Rae’s comment.</p><p>From the other end, Rae let out an audible breath. At least he was taking the information relatively well. “Sykkuno, I think you should go see a doctor.”</p><p>“I really don’t think I need to. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time,” Sykkuno chuckled uncomfortably. Of course he wouldn’t want to cause even the tiniest bit of inconvenience, even if it was important.</p><p>“No Sykkuno, listen to me,” Rae pleaded. “<em>Please </em>go to a doctor. You can’t remember a lot of important things. That’s not good.”</p><p>It sounded an awful lot like she was talking to a child, chiding them into finishing their homework or going to bed. But Corpse recalled the doctor’s words the first time around. “<em>It’s normal for him to be a bit out of it after the occurrence. I’d even go as far as to say that he’d seem a bit younger, a bit less mature.”</em></p><p>Corpse could see it now. The skillet was probably testament enough to that statement.</p><p>As he tuned back into to the conversation, he noticed Sykkuno subtly nodding to himself.</p><p>“Alright Rae, only for you.”</p><p>
  <em>Thank god.</em>
</p><p>A squeal erupted from the other side of the line, “Awesome Sykkuno! I’m picking you up in ten, be ready.”</p><p>The end call <em>ding</em> sounded out from the phone, leaving the room in silence. Corpse slowly lowered the phone to his lap.</p><p>Rae’s personality had always been larger than life, filling up any room and any awkward gaps in a conversation. Her bubbliness had transferred through the call, and it had just as easily evaporated the second the call disconnected, leaving the room feeling empty.</p><p>Corpse and Sykkuno stayed sitting on opposite sides of the room, each stealing glances at the other and looking away whenever they inevitably caught each other’s eye.</p><p>Eventually, Sykkuno took the initiative to move away.</p><p>“I’ll, uh, go get ready,” he muttered, gesturing awkwardly towards the door as he walked backwards to it.</p><p>Corpse just gave a non-committal nod, trying to force a reassuring smile on his face. He was sure it looked more like a grimace.</p><p>He’d never been good with facial expressions anyway.</p><p>Regardless, Sykkuno had left the room by then. Corpse listened closely, hearing a <em>bang</em> as he deposited the skillet back where he’d found it, and then a door swinging shut, presumably Sykkuno’s bedroom door.</p><p>As soon as he heard it, it was as if a switch flicked and he was pushed into motion. Corpse grabbed his phone, which had found its way onto his bed, and quickly scurried to the living room. He felt like an intruder in his own home, looking around every couple of seconds to make sure Sykkuno hadn’t resurfaced from his room, before he’d walk a few more steps, then repeat all over again.</p><p>The process made getting to the couch an arduous task.</p><p>He finally dropped himself onto it, leaning against the cushions and fiddling with his phone.</p><p>Every so often, he’d hear a thump from Sykkuno’s room, a drawer closing or something dropping. And each time, Corpse would perk up, holding his breath just in case something had gone wrong.  Yet each time, he’d also hear the familiar noises of Sykkuno moving around only moments later, reassuring him that everything was fine.</p><p>But was it really?</p><p>Just when he’d thought that his horizons had cleared, that things were finally looking better, it had all come crashing down.</p><p>Sykkuno had just started being comfortable with himself again. He’d join discord calls when his friends were streaming just to hang out, he’d joke around about things that in those tumultuous first weeks he would have avoided like the plague, and he’d overall finally been recovering from whatever had gone down.</p><p>Of course, it was never going to be that easy, Corpse knew that. He’d dealt with medical problems and illness his entire life, and he knew all too well how unpredictable your own body could be.</p><p>But that didn’t mean that this hadn’t come as a shock.</p><p>Fuck that – saying that it was a shock would be an understatement. It was a sucker punch right to his gut, twisting and turning all his insides into a churning mess of fear and apprehension.</p><p>How much worse had it gotten? At least Sykkuno could remember Rae, but even that didn’t do much to calm Corpse’s nerves. It was far too soon for something like this to be happening again, and Corpse couldn’t help the tightening in his chest as he thought more about it.</p><p>The consequences on Sykkuno’s health would by no means be favourable. The doctor had said not to worry too much the first time around, but Corpse remembered clear as day his forlorn expression when he’d warned them “<em>If he forgets more, come back immediately.”</em></p><p>Over the years, he’d found that doctors often overestimated their ability to hold a good poker face. That appointment had only further consolidated Corpse’s hunch. He could see in the way the doctor’s left eye had twitched ever so slightly, the way his mouth had formed into a thin line, that they wouldn’t get off as easily as the first time - no simple shrug from the doctor with a well wish and a prescription for painkillers before sending him off.</p><p>This appointment was important, and <em>serious,</em> to say the least.</p><p>“Sykkuno, I’m here!” Corpse heard a muffled voice from the front door, followed by two successive raps.</p><p>He quickly stood up and made his way to the door, greeting Rae with a hug before letting her inside.</p><p>Sykkuno had heard her too, and called out, “Two minutes!”</p><p>Rae nodded to no one in particular and made herself comfortable on the couch. Corpse followed suit, reoccupying his previous position.</p><p>Rae eyed Corpse over, “How are you?”</p><p>“I have no idea. It’s good that he’s accepting everything so easily, right?”</p><p> Rae let out a tutting sound. “I asked how <em>you</em> are.”</p><p>Corpse took a moment to think that over. How was he really? Not good, for starters.</p><p>“I’m hanging on.” Rae gave a sympathetic nod. “I just thought that we’d already hit rock bottom, what with the sort-of break up and everything. But now it’s somehow getting worse and I honestly don’t know how to feel about it.”</p><p>That wasn’t entirely true. Corpse knew very well how he felt about it – the feeling filled up his insides, a gooey mess that weighed him down and made each breath harder to take in. But he didn’t know how to convert that feeling into something he could say.</p><p>“It’s gonna be hard Corpse, I won’t lie, but you said it yourself, at least he’s accepting things easily. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself through all this. It’s what Sykkuno would want. It’s what <em>I </em>would want.”</p><p>Corpse felt something within him break at Rae’s soft tone.</p><p>“Of co- of course,” he replied, instinctively biting his lip. He knew that he hadn’t been taking care of himself these past few weeks, all of his priorities were hung up on Sykkuno, but he’d at least try from here on forth. For Rae and Sykkuno’s sake, if nothing else.</p><p>“I’m ready Rae!” Sykkuno exclaimed as he entered the living room. He obviously hadn’t sensed the heaviness tinging the pair on the couch, his voice far too cheery for the forlorn atmosphere dampening the room.</p><p>Sykkuno’s voice seemed to trigger something within Rae – in a second, she was back to the cheery Rae who’d knocked on their door only a couple minutes earlier.</p><p>“Great!” she piped up, leaving a comforting pat on Corpse’s shoulder and a meaningful look behind before she got up.</p><p>The two stood in front of the couch, Corpse still settled into the crease, and Sykkuno let out an awkward “bye?” It came out more as a question than anything else. Corpse let out a sigh, almost subconsciously, and replied, “Bye Sykkuno.”</p><p>Sykkuno seemed satisfied with that, and the pair headed out. As soon as the door clicked shut, Corpse felt himself deflate. He was regretting his agreement with Rae that he wouldn’t accompany them to the appointment, because apparently, he would “overwhelm Sykkuno.” The rational part of Corpse could see how this was the best course of action, but his more selfish side just wanted to <em>be</em> with Sykkuno, even if the other man couldn’t remember him.</p><p>But it was too late for that now. It was too late for a lot of things.</p><p>All Corpse could do was sit there and wait.</p>
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